How to kill a dozen million ants with mustard...

Can you actually do that? I was thinking of drowning them with chocolate, but since it's too sweet it might get swamped by about a couple of dozen million more.

I've been staring all day in front of the computer for the past few weeks and I still didn't come up with anything for my thesis. Zilch, mehn. I've never been this brain dead in my entire f*cked-up life. Oh, and by the way, depression has just found its way back to one of my favorite past-time activities. When I get depressed, it's either I eat or I completely don't...and I'm gaining weight.

Then again, I was still figuring out how to kill a dozen million ants with chocolate, but I can't, so I thought mustard would be great. If I'm able to figure out how to count all the ants, making sure they're exactly a dozen million without getting bit (so I'd know how much of their population I'd actually kill...sensus!!), then I'll probably figure out something for my thesis.

Until then, I'll have nothing else to dump outta my...hmmm...crapped-in brain cells.


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The moon visits once in a while,
sweeps me off my sleep to let me lie
on its scorched skin,
letting me cover it
from the light of the blinding sun;
a savored few seconds of freedom.
-Eclipsed
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I need water!

I don't know what's exactly wrong with me but I've been sick for almost a month now. One of my friends told me to keep drinking water and tons of Vitamin C ... nothing's happening!! My brother told me to have myself confined in a hospital already...I'm like, no way! No hospitals for me, pare! Anyway...nothing new still. Just the same old laggin on my thesis ... crap. I need to get started on it right away...e0n. Ima be emailing jersey boy in awhile..see yah all around.

Ahem ... for the lurkers ... ahem ahem ahem ... you know who you are ... you better start telling me your links so I can put you in my insane list found at the right column of my blog...HA! Stop lurking y'all...bwehehehe!

A darker shade of black.

I went to Fete De La Musique last night, part of the annual French Festival celebration, this year in El Pueblo. Going through the crowd was exhausting. There was actually heavy traffic from too many people gathered in one place. I was able to get passes, though. I used it to take some pictures of them musically-inclined artists performing onstage.

It was fun, especially seeing some of the artists I've known since my first few months in college. It's just sad that I wasn't able to take their pictures because I was not feeling well, and going from one place to another was really, really tiring because of the crowd.

Twenty-four hours later, I find myself back in my room. Rested, but not completely well enough to do the right things...(sheesh, thesis...)

I felt that one person whose made this perfect importance in my life right now is beginning to disappear; how faint this person I fear would be with everything that will happen. Every bit of detail that connects him to me is slowly flying away in search of new aspirations and anticipation.

It just gets crazier, and darker.

The only light in this room is coming from my monitor, and I've been using and looking at it for the longest time I forgot how the rest of the room looked like. I turned around and realized that there were different shadows sealing their places on the walls. There was a lighter shade of gray that played near the edge of my curtain blinds, and the shadowless space beside my computer where the monitor is not pointed at. It's insanely compelling, knowing that this might last for months. Years, even. I find it uncomprehensible; how everything can completely turn around after the first hand of the clock hits the same number again...

but I can never grasp, and yet forget the pain of someone leaving, and the agony of waiting.

There's no end to this tale, nor this entry. Just the cycle of going back and starting [writing] anew, or dwelling on the emotions that liveth the same melodrama.

I'd leave earth if I was alien enough.

I just don't know what else I have left to say to the people living in this planet, much more to those who make it harder for those to go through life on an everyday basis. I've been trying so hard to stop myself from cussing, cursing, and f*cking other people's lives because of this resentment.

Well, f*ck it.

I'd leave earth if I was alien enough.

Dulaang Filipino Pictorial

Nothing really new except for the pictorial. We'll be featured as one of the school's artist group in BLIP's next issue (Benildean Lifestyle, Interests, & People). Yes, that's a tutu...HA! Everyone wore a costume (eeks). Anyway, that's it for now. I'm off to Shangri-La Plaza in a few hours for the chinese film festival.

Chinese Film Festival 2005

Gada Meilin is about a meilin (he who caters to people's problems, if I remember it right...Gada is the protagonist's name) who revolted against their government from taking over their grassland. This movie shows an arrangement between the Japanese and the Chinese officials taking over the mentioned land. I guess it's the typical movie where a hero tries to lead the men to freedom, but not as typical as what happened in the end.

I'm really in no condition to be poetic and even pretend to be a good writer in trying to explain this movie after having only an hour's sleep for almost a week now. I'm almost brain dead, but I've realized that there's so much to know about certain emotions that we, asians, have encountered from different races of oppressors...might it be foreign, or that of our own kind. I felt betrayed, so humiliated that while others, whose generation has long surpassed even our own timeline, has fought for freedom, for what is right, and for the betterment of the community.

It's just one of those times where I'm actually confused at how to make our own race stay in this country to painstakingly uplift whatever values it has left while our own people backstab us, but it's just that there's so much left to discover, to know about, and to learn about our own past to even begin planning so much for the future.

I just think that we should know so much about ourselves and our roots even before we try to step out of our cocoon.

Anyway, Gada Meilin is part of the Chinese Film Festival 2005, presented by the National Commission for Culture and the Arts (NCAA), organized in cooperation with the Embassy of the People's Republic of China, the State Administration of Radio, Film, and Television of China, and the Shangri-La Plaza. This festival is one of many activites celebrating the 30th Anniversary of the Diplomatic Relations between the Republic of the Philippines and the People's Republic of China. This partnership has been a powerful example of beneficial cultural exchange, a crucial tool in the actualization of global harmony and collaboration.

So check them out because admission is free, and it will be running from June 10 - June 13...here is the schedule:

Gada Meilin
June 10 - 7:15pm
June 12 - 2pm
June 13 - 9:30pm

Nuan
June 10 - 9:30pm
June 12 - 4:30pm
June 13 - 7pm

Judge Mama
June 11 - 4:30pm
June 12 - 9:30pm

Story of Lotus
June 11 - 7pm
June 13 - 2pm

Live in Peace
June 11 - 9:30pm
June 13 - 4:30pm

Splendid Season
June 11 - 2pm
June 12 - 7pm

Live a splendid extended weekend. Ma pinoy mohican jp would have enjoyed watching these spectacular movies though =(